The Mourning Period

Hello,

You're welcome to everything fabulous with Mo🤗

There are so many things I want to write about, but all I can think about is that my mum would have been 50 tomorrow.

I don't know how to feel about it. I had always looked forward to this day, but she's gone now. It's going to be the first birthday in a while I'm not talking to her or reminding her how much she means to me,

So, that's why I'll be sharing a bit about grief. When my mum died, I found out in a bad way, the next day. Someone posted it on our church group. I was devastated. I had been trying to talk to her the day before and all through that morning, all I got was "she's sleeping." So, you can imagine my devastation. The post is clear in my mind.

I got home to see so many people, it was annoying. I wanted to stay in my room in peace, but some people decided I had to sit outside so people could see me. Honestly, I didn't understand what it was for. So, I went back to my room, closed the door till my sister got back, and we cried. That was the only peaceful moment I got.

After that, it was meetings upon meetings, on what needed to be done. I didn't even know what I was doing. We buried her two weeks later, and I felt I could grieve in peace. Oh boy, I was wrong. Anyway, I left home, and slowly, I started to understand what it felt to mourn.

Some days, I watched mindless TV, some days I read, and some days I just wanted to talk about my mum. In that time, I was closed off sometimes but what I learned is, your grief is yours and nobody should dictate how you should deal with it.

So many people try to run away from dealing with the loss of someone special, but the truth is you still have to deal with it one day.

Some days, it felt like I was depressed because all I could think about was different ways I had messed up in the past. You know when everything you've done wrong in your life starts to play daily, it was like there was nothing positive to look forward to.

one day, I woke up around 3 am and was crying to Henry Hugglemonster on Disney junior. when I think of it now, it's funny.

The day I accepted that my mum was in a better place, I felt at peace and I started living again.

Last week, someone asked about my mum and I confidently said she was dead. As much as it hurt to say, I felt better later.

My long story is just saying, let yourself mourn, allow yourself to feel, make peace with it, then you can start living again. I'm not saying you'll forget about the person, but you would be able to think about the person and smile. Maybe one of these days, I'll write more about my mum.

This is a not light-hearted article, but it was relieving to write. Thank you for stopping by to read, what kind of posts do you want to see here? Let me know in the comment section.